


My Heart Hurts, but Not in a Heart Attack Way

by Mad_Muse_Musings



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 05:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2416073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Muse_Musings/pseuds/Mad_Muse_Musings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo stopped seeing Jemma, and one night when he was lying on Mack’s bed, waiting for the man to return from his shower so they could work on their signing, Leo realized that Jemma not being there didn’t ache anymore. At least not like it did. Not the constant low level ache that had sat in his chest since the Academy and he realized Jemma didn’t love him the same way he loved her. Leo had just enough time to realize that was because Mack was taking her place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart Hurts, but Not in a Heart Attack Way

Leo was thankful for Alphonso “Mack” MacKenzie. Mack didn’t treat him like a broken piece of glass, beautiful but not good for anything else. Mack didn’t treat him like he was less then, he just waited until things made sense, or yelled at Leo to take a deep fucking breath and start over.

Leo started over a lot.

Leo was getting better because of Mack.

Mack reminded him to eat by being there and eating with him. Melinda and Skye nagged him about it. Mack just took a lunch break and insisted Leo would also take that lunch break.

Mack didn’t lie. And that was the most important part to Leo. He didn’t tell him he was going to get better, because Leo wasn’t stupid, he had a traumatic brain injury and the odds were not in his favor that he would ever be back to normal. Instead Mack taught him new ways to cope. Gave him a new language, which formed only in the parts of his brain that were undamaged.

Leo wasn’t sure why Mack was fluent in sign language, but he enjoyed the lessons at night. They helped Leo calm down and decompress from all his own internal worries about not being good enough for the team.

Slowly Leo stopped seeing Jemma, and one night when he was lying on Mack’s bed, waiting for the man to return from his shower so they could work on their signing, Leo realized that Jemma not being there didn’t ache anymore. At least not like it did. Not the constant low level ache that had sat in his chest since the Academy and he realized Jemma didn’t love him the same way he loved her. Leo had just enough time to realize that was because Mack was taking her place before the man entered the room, low slung sleep pants that showed off the v of his hips while he finished rubbing the water out of his hair.

“You okay, man?” Mack asked, dropping the towel into the dirty clothes hamper.

Leo nodded a little hastily. “Bed.” He responded before getting up and fleeing the room, his heart beating a thousand miles a minute. He was not doing this again. He was not fucking up a friendship because of his crush. And he was going to stick to that because he wasn’t going to be almost dying anytime soon in the vicinity of Mack.

Leo was a master at just ignoring is feelings. Living with a low level ache all the time was better than the alternative in his eyes. So he worked with Mack but stopped showing up for signing at night and unless it was required for work, generally stayed away from Mack. Because he had done the opposite with Jemma and that didn’t really work out so well, so naturally Leo figured this would be better.

And it totally was, until Mack realized Leo was avoiding him.

“What gives?” Mack asked, almost two months after Leo stopped showing up for the sign lessons, corning the Scottish man in the lab.

“No- Nothing.” Leo responds, twisting his hands around.

“You want to try that again? Without a lie?” Mack asked, gruffly. “Because I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“I didn’t do this today.” Leo started repeating over and over.

“What didn’t you do today?” Mack asked.

“This!” Leo yelled, his whole body trembling. English still evaded him but sign language came so much easier, and he refused to use it now because it made his heart ache so deeply. That was something between him and Mack and he couldn’t bring himself to use the language when it hurt so much.

“You’ve done this before?” Mack asked.

Leo nodded. “Jemma.”

Mack puzzled over the new information. “You did this before with Jemma?”

“Not again. It hurts too much.” Leo said before trying to push past Mack.

“Hey, man, come on. What hurts too much? Talk to me.” Mack asked, pulling the smaller man into a bear hug.

And Leo choked on the sob. It felt so good to be in Mack’s arms, the warmth of the man holding him so close that he could hear Mack’s heartbeat. Mack slowly pushed him back to be able to see his face.

“What’s hurting, Leo? I want to help.” Mack asked.

Leo shuddered and tried to lean back into Mack’s comforting warmth, but he was stopped by Mack’s strong grip on his shoulders, keeping him just out of reach from the comforting warmth. Leo wanted to explain, really he did, but he didn’t think he had to words to do it anymore, or the courage. Instead he just put his hand over his heart, praying Mack would understand.

Mack’s eyes tracked back and forth for a moment before he made a small O shape with his mouth in understanding. “Your heart hurts… but not in a ‘I’m having a heart attack’ way.”

Leo nodded, glancing down. He was shy before and this stupid brain injury was not helping. How was he ever going to explain what he wanted from Mack? How would Mack ever want him back?

“Leo, why does your heart hurt?” Mack asked, trying to catch Leo’s eyes with almost no success. Taking a deep breath, Mack reached out and forced Leo’s head up so that their eyes would meet. “Am I making your heart hurt? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Leo’s eye darted off to the side, still refusing to make eye contact with Mack, and that was all the answer Mack needed. It was his fault that Leo was hurting, and that simply wouldn’t do.

“You think I take time to teach ASL to any ol’ someone?” Mack said, his tone joking. “Man, come’ere.” And with that Mack pulled him in close, tucking the shorter man under his chin.

Leo was shaking so badly that Mack started to get worried, but he slowly walked them back to his bunk. It was a long walk and at some point they encountered Skye and Melinda, both trying to be equally sneaky about their navigation through the base. They seemed to wordlessly agree not to say anything to each other.

Once they were situated in the bedroom, Mack getting Leo situated on the bed, Mack climbed between his legs and held his hand out, pinky finger, index finger, and thumb out, a look of adoration on his face.

Leo quickly signed that he didn’t know that one.

“It means, I love you.” Mack said, telegraphing his movements before leaning forward and slotting their lips together in a dry kiss.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever…” Leo said when they broke apart.

“Doesn’t matter. Just like everything else, we’ll take things at the speed you can handle, and still be ahead of the curve. I’d never been able to keep up with you before if this is you at what is considered diminished capacity.” Mack said, sitting back on his heels.

And Leo chuckled for the first time in a long while, because even though it was an ass backwards compliment, it made him feel warm and fuzzy. Leo slid down, keeping his legs spread and patted his chest, trying to get Mack to lay down between his legs.

“I’m too big, man.” Mack argued.

Leo grunted his disagreement and really wished Mack wasn’t so damn religious about keeping his head shaved. He really wanted to grab a fist full of the man’s hair and pull him to where he wanted him. Mack wasn’t stupid though, and he gave up the pointless fight, laying down so that his ear was right over Leo’s heart.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Mack mumbled, pulling the spare blanket from the foot of the bed up and over them.

“I’ve done this before.” Leo responded.

“With Jemma?”

Leo nodded, his hands drifting aimlessly over Mack’s toned arms.

“But it was bad, that’s why you were scared and hurt?”

Leo nodded again and Mack turned over, pillowing his chin on his arms over Leo’s chest.

“Well, man, I’ve never been with a guy before, but I’m open to life and I dig you in ways that I haven’t dug anyway since high school and I figured out vaginas were magical magical things. So I can’t promise not to hurt you, or do something stupid, but I’m in this.” Mack said, stretching just a bit to steal another kiss from Leo.

Leo squeaked in surprise before getting comfortable in the kiss and the way they moved against each other, letting the kiss turn from dry to wet and passionate, promising more. But they broke apart before they could get carried away, settling together on the bed again.

“Wish you had hair.” Leo murmured suddenly.

Mack snorted. “Why? It’s course and curly and pretty much untamable.”

Leo couldn’t find the word he wanted so instead he just made grabby hands in front of Mack’s face.

“Ah, you want to grab my hair.” Mack responded, before getting the most devilish glint in his eye. “My ass is pretty grabble.”

Leo snorted but let his hands wander lower before getting a handful of Mack’s ass and pulling his hips closer. “Good enough.”


End file.
